The second session of the parent workshop “How to accompany children through puberty” jointly organized by the Confucius Institute Maastricht (CIM) and Stichting Interculturele Participatie van Chinese Families was successfully held in the City Library of Maastricht.
Ms. Yang Mei, a specialized tutor in family education of Stichting Interculturele Participatie van Chinese Families, continued the the second session of “How to accompany children through puberty” a few weeks ago, guiding parents on how to communicate well with children through their puberty. She uses personal experiences and techniques to improve overall family happiness and bond.
The actvity started with Ms. Yang Mei inviting the parents and friends to share the things they are most grateful for in their life at this moment. Some parents are grateful to the teachers who they have met in their lives, some are grateful to the colleagues around them, some are grateful to their husbands for their thoughtfulness, and some are very grateful to their children. Everyone shared their emotions, as if there was a warm current surging through the room, and everyone felt the power of happiness and joy in sharing with each other. After the sharing, Ms. Yang Mei suggested that every parent should try to express their gratitude towards their families when they return home, and affirmation and praise need to be expressed more often to strengthen their bond.
The second part of the activity was Ms. Yangmei leading parents to experience the art of communication. Parents formed pairs to play two roles of preparing a birthday party for their children. In the first round, no matter what A says, B says no. In the second round, no matter what A says, B has to disagree. In the third round, When A finishes talking, B has to say “your idea is amazing” and add more towards the idea of A.
After three rounds of experience, Ms. Yangmei invited parents to share their feelings. When we reject others and deny others, in fact, both parties are unhappy and will be frustrated. Therefore, Teacher Yangmei suggested that when communicating with children, no matter how naïve and unrealistic our children’s ideas are, do not rush to deny them or preach them too fast. You can try to affirm the child’s ideas first, discuss with the child and let them think their thoughts through. During this interaction, the child can actually find the problem, learn to think about the idea of solving the problem which would work more effectively than rejecting them immediately.
Next, Ms. Yangmei introduced the Dutch education system to parents. Education in the Netherlands pays more attention to teaching according to the children’s natural abilities and talents. From the secondary school stage, different pathways will be allocated according to each child’s talents, interests, and skills. Teacher Yang Mei called on parents and friends to respect the individual differences of their children, not to overly pursue the so-called success standards in China, and to allow children to grow into the most suitable appearance for themselves.
However he highlight of this workshop learning and practicing communication. Good communication methods include: listening, summarizing, and asking questions. Listening is the basis of all communication, try to be interested in the topic of the family member without rushing to judgment or give advice. When answering back you should do it timely, summarize what has been said and confirm to avoid miscommunication. In addition, we should ask more open questions to the other party to guide the other party to better and more fully express their true needs and desires.
Afterwards, parents worked in groups of three for communication exercises. The teacher asks people to only ask curious questions, not to make judgments or make suggestions. After the exercise, parents shared their experiences and feelings. Everyone said that they really wanted to give advice in the process of listening, but the person who was talking felt that in fact, they just want someone to listen to them. They don’t necessarily want advice, but rather someone that could just listen to them.
Under the guidance of Ms. Yang Mei, parents and friends continue to change their perspectives and experience, to feel how to better get closer to their children whom are growing up and families, and better express their love and care to each other. At the end of the workshop, everyone was still talking to each other even after leaving the classroom, and parents and friends expressed their hope that such activities should be held more often.
Maastricht Chinese Family Association was founded by Confucius Institute (CIM) of ZUYD University of Applied Sciences and received strong support and active participation from Stichting Interculturele Participatie van Chinese Families.
Based on the Chinese teaching resources of the Confucius Institute, combined with the experience of the Stichting Interculturele Participatie van Chinese Families activities, Maastricht Chinese Family Association strives to build a bridge for Chinese families, and help children find their self-worth and cultural identity by organizing Chinese reading clubs, cultural activities, psychological group support and other activities. Through family education seminars and relevant information sharing sessions of the Dutch government, Chinese parents have more confidence and ability to balance career and family, and live a healthy and happy life in The Netherlands.